Emotions are signals, like hunger and sleepiness, generated by electrochemical signals produced within our bodies. But many people instead of using them as a guide to act, make emoting become the action.
People often believe their emotions are the solution, when actually emotions are just information that help lead us to a solution.
Emotions are a substitue for knowing what to do. For example:
Perhaps I feel sad, I might refuse an invitation to go out with friends because it hurts to laugh.
I feel afraid, so I refuse to take a risk.
I feel angry, so perhaps I lash out at someone.
In these cases my emotions rule my actions. While emotions should be viewed as useful signals to help you take action, they are not the action itself.
I’m sad, yet being with people and laughing might help me feel less sad.
I’m afraid, but what might I gain for taking a risk?
I’m angry, but hurting someone that had no relation to the source of my anger may end in regret, I will still have anger and now I feel like a terrible person.
As you can see, staying in an emotion prevents us from taking useful action.
Instead, use the energy of the emotion as a catalyst to move forward, to not stay trapped in the emotion. Acknowledge the message of the emotion, then use it to reorient your direction and help you move usefully.
In happiness one is more likely to explore, build, procreate, expand, grow, create, electrify.
In sadness, one might contract, stop, re-evaluate, reconsider, rest, regenerate, rejuvenate, conserve, renew
In fear, one might escape, fight, accept, endure, overcome.
Developing the skill to manage emotions can be gained through better understanding of what triggers our emotions. They do not come from the outside, although it is outside events that set the steps in motion. Yet it is the stories you have collected in your anthology of life experiences that trigger your to have your particular emotional reaction. Self-exam to create inner awareness and untangling interpretations developed when you were young, can free you from reflexive emoting that stifles productive activity and holds you back from having a life you really enjoy.
Emotions and ideas shield us from Doubt, which can be defined as “an unsettled state of opinion; indecision of belief”. Doubt can feel feel like freefall, a state in which we have lost control becuase the next step is hidden in uncertainty. But it can also represent a golden opportunity to take any action, to step outside the expected and achieve the unimaginabale. So do not fear doubt, but embrace the freedom to grow through it. Choosing to take one action opens a parachute over which we may have a little more control, allowing us to navigate to a safe spot on solid ground from which to resume our journeys.
It is very normal when facing doubt to worry. Worrying is actually imagining a future in which you have no control but believing that future is now. It is having a panic attack now, about a fearful fantasy set in the future, then taking frantic steps now to fix a future that hasn’t even happened yet.
However, the future can’t hurt you now.
But seeing the possibility does allow you to figure out how to avoid arriving at at that feared future, or generate ideas to prepare to handle the consequences of ending up there.
Conversely, one can also create a beautiful dream future and calculate the steps you will need to take to reach that outcome.
Either way, one can only take an action in the now, and it’s only one small step further, not a huge leap into the feared or hoped for future. One step does not a future make, but a million steps will have been taken by the time the future arrives. Yet by taking no steps, held back by fear, sadness, anger or even happiness, the future will find you in exactly the same spot you are now although everything else around you has changed. Which scenario is scarier?
It takes courage to act. Bravery is feeling your emotions like fear, anger or sadness but taking the next step anyway. On the other side of worry and doubt is growth, achievement and hope.
We cannot know the future, we can only know ourselves and trust in our values, strengths and connections to make one choice, to take one more step. And with each step your confidence will grow, your knowledge increase. But still, I find it helps to hold this hope, “In the end it will all work out fine. If it’s not fine, it’s just not the end”.
By getting to know yourself better, you can build your confidence to make better choices reducing doubt and worry. Coaching is a great way to achieve this inner knowledge. Contact me today to start the process with a free consultation, text 551-500-1802 or visit Drstaceycoaching.com.
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